*potential trigger warnings, birth, miscarriage. All blogs are informal and are based entirely from my point of view after a significant difficult life experience*
It is probably blindingly obvious from the picture whether or not I am the better mum/parent…
…Covered in streaks of a thousand little teeth brushed and hand prints from several curious looks, the mirror alone tells a story of mum that’s not like most you read about. Despite the fact I have absolutely NO IDEA where my own mother is, she still lives with me in different ways every day (see the bra stash hanging from the door handle). My stomach is a battle field after housing 5 children over 10 years. Bouncing back and having a faultless body clearly was something I didn’t get the memo on.
SO? Does any of this show I am a better mum than you? OR anyone?
I am pretty care free, open to communication, still battle with my body image but accept it and endorse others to embrace theirs as long as they are aware of their health. I have lost a child through miscarriage (a very unique pain), breast fed all of them when they were born and never had a Cesarean (even though I should have had one with my first, not having one lead to my pelvis being dislocated and me having to learn to walk again. My age lead to that being left ignored and sent home incontinent and unable to walk). I have done things the tougher way in the name of doing what I thought was right at the time for a majority of my life.
DOES THAT MAKE ME A BETTER MUM THAN ANYONE?
No. So here’s the list 1-20. I’M NOT A BETTER MUM THAN YOU. Not because of my failings in choices, my physical state or financial situation. I’m no worse than any mum either based on those things but because…
I am simply A MUM.
It is not a competition, though forgive me if at times I come across like I believe that. I think it is in our nature to compare ourselves to others to see how we rank in the scheme of things. To see what we can do better. However I have found that it is more of just a guideline, it is not a set standard of how things are supposed to be.
Being a society of individuals in this country, one persons method which works a treat for their child my not work for you. That is the key. WHAT WORKS FOR YOU and there is only one way to find out. By trying. There are plenty of services out there such a clinic nurses, Karitane, GP’s, Interrelate and countless others on google who can support and offer advice if you feel you need it. In the end though, it is entirely up to you.
As for the great overall parenting debate…I have the answer
Do you work? Stay at home? Plan children? Have abortions? Keep children no matter what? Adopt? Put your child up for adoption? Breastfeed? Bottle feed? Opt for a C-section? Be a stay at home dad? Is it OK to be single parent?
DO YOU EVEN WANT TO HAVE KIDS? ALL OF THESE QUESTIONS AND MORE, HAVE AN ANSWER.
Though some are harder than others for sure. Yes to the questions you feel work for you and no to the ones that don’t feel right. There is no right or wrong…a majority of the time your gut will tell you. LISTEN TO IT.
There is only what is right for you..
You cannot put a child first if you don’t do what is right for you. This does not mean aggressively remove your child from a parent because you don’t want them seeing the other parent or take matter of an abortion in to your own hands for example. However what ever the situation is, there will be a support or service OR SOMEONE to listen. If you are met with resistance perhaps you are not talking to the right person? Or maybe the choice isn’t safe for you based on professional opinion? There will always be variables. Choices can be altered and eventually, with hard work at times, pay off. As long as you are willing to be honest and honest with yourself, you will find yourself exactly where you want to be.
Trust yourself. Whatever choices you have made. They were right for you at the time. There are few things in this world you can’t make peace for/with.
As for those parents still reading on. Still feel like a failure or uncertain? I can guarantee you we hang out for an arvo and no matter how bad you think you are doing? I will still find….
20 reasons why I think you are a better parent than me.
…But it still won’t make any of us better than the other xX